Chain Store Daisy

Streisand Barbra

When I was young, I studied hard, and thirsted after knowledge.
And often burned the midnight oil, so I could get to college.

They told me my fine education
Would help improve my situation.
So then I crammed and crammed til I was almost in a coma.
And CC's and exams til I got me a diploma.
Aha, they said, now comes admission
Into a very high position.

So out I went and looked around.
And Macy's was the place I found.
I filled my blanks and application
And went for my examination.

They took my weight and took my height,
And tapped my chest and tested my sight.
Examined my head, took prints of my toes,
Looked at my teeth and up my nose.
Examined my throat and measured my hips,
And even took prints of my fingertips.
Made me say "Ah" and told me to grunt,
Examined my back, examined my front.
Then they tested my IQ
And asked what I'd like to do
And when that exam was through,
What there was to know, Macy's knew.
So, I got the job.

Life is a bitter cup of tea,
Now I'm just Salesgirl #73.
I used to be on the daisy chain,
Now I'm a chain store daisy.

Once I was given the honor seat.
Now I stand up with pains in my feet.
I used to be on the daisy chain,
Now shoppers drive me crazy!

I sell smart, but thrifty.
Corsets at $3.50.
Better grades, $4.69.

I sell bras and gerters (garters)
To mauds and murd'rers (murderers)
To holding their plump behind this counter.

Once I wrote poems, put people in tears.
Now I write checks for Red Star brassieres.
I used to be on the daisy chain,
Now I'm a chain store daisy.

Oh yes, madame.
Oh no, madame.
I guess, madame.
It that so, madame?

Oh, that one is $19.74.
It ought to be expensive, it's the largest in the store!

Once I had a yearning for all higher learning,
And studied to make the grade.
For subjects pedantic, I shunned the romantic,
And look at the kind of grade I made.

I'm selling things to fit the figger,
Make the big things small and the small things bigger.
I used to be on the daisy chain,
Now I'm a chain store daisy.